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Women Initiating Sex, Courtship, Partnership and Peace

By Donna Sheehan and Paul Reffell

Young western women are proudly dressing to display their breasts and bellies, their centers of procreation, as never before. If this style comes from a sense of pride in their bodies, rather than blindly following a trend, it’s a healthy and encouraging sign of a return to the love of femininity. Indeed, our young women are displaying the fount of their Feminine Power.

In a way they are beginning to redefine feminism. By intelligent use of female power, using sensuality, intelligence, wisdom and assertiveness, women can have anything they want, from good relationships to global peace. And to find inspiration, they need only look to Charles Darwin.

In 1871, Darwin rocked the world with his revolutionary work The Descent of Man and Selection in Relation to Sex, in which he revealed that it is the females, not the males, of sexually reproducing species that choose. However, after thousands of years of male-dominated human societies that have been recorded by male-wielded pens, men's and women’s roles have become distorted, with women having been trained to accept aggressive and destructive behavior as desirable mate traits.

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Evolutionary Science 101

1. Most male inventions and behavior, including literature, music, art, exploration, aggression, displays of physical strength, altruism, kindness and greed, stem from mating displays to attract the female. Evolutionary psychologists believe that any activity not necessary to the immediate survival of the organism is developed to attract the opposite sex. [i]

2. Females of other species choose their mates based on male displays.[ii]

3. Human male display has undergone a “runaway effect”. Any male trait that is constantly selected by females becomes more pronounced through succeeding generations, because males will be born with that trait and females will be born with a preference for it. In a runaway effect, the trait will become so pronounced that it presents a danger to the male and, by extension, to the entire species. Runaway effects are usually self-limiting, either through the demise of the males with the most dangerous runaway traits, thus removing them from the mating game, or by changing female preferences.

The peacock’s tail, for example, has evolved to be hazardous to the bird’s survival, but is self-limited by the deaths of males who cannot escape their predators because of the cumbersome “runaway tail”. Man’s runaway traits of aggression and destruction are now endangering our species and all others. It is up to women to recognize these runaway traits and gently guide our conditioned men away from self-destruction.

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Peaceful male-female partnership societies existed 6,000 years ago. Since then, war has been the most consistent feature of our patriarchal world. This adds weight to the possibility that one sure way to prevent the self-inflicted extinction of our species is to create modern male-female partnership societies. Today’s woman can begin that process by devoting herself to turning the minds of the men in her life towards peaceful, productive, and sustainable existence. If men with that predisposition are chosen as mates, their children will carry it on into future generations.

Unfortunately, the lack of cultural partnership between men and women means that most men have taken on the double roles of displaying and trying to choose their mates. So most cultures have evolved with men displaying the traits that are more aggressive and destructive than would be the case were women to make their own more biological choices. Modern women are the products of thousands of years of being trained to be unassertive and accepting, even desirous, of restricted choices, so most of them unconsciously accept men with those aggressive “manly” traits. In America, the majority of men supported the Iraq war and the majority of women did not. Women stayed silent, complicit and didn’t want to make waves.

Women have the choice.

So, how do we start on an individual level? By helping women come to the realization that they are evolutionarily significant, so that they may honor their instinctive sensual feminine power over men. The responsible feminine role is to gently pick up men’s loose reins and steer them towards peaceful, productive and sustainable society, a place that is safe for future generations. It is time for women and men to develop deep listening – being conscious of the effects of what we say and hear and do.

Straight men will do just about anything to be close to the sensual fire of femininity, when they are made comfortable and connected with it, when it is not viewed by them as a threat to their masculinity. They might even give up going to war. The feminism of the past got women a foothold by doing things men’s way. It was a wake-up call that opened our collective eyes to our cultural inequality. Now it’s time to climb to stake our claim on evolutionary power by redefining and using the New Feminism. That redefinition of feminism is already beginning and we can thank the young women who are intuitively guiding the way.

We are all awakening and once again willing to do what it takes to curb our species’ suicidal tendencies. So do we continue to define progress by having latchkey kids, contributing to consumerism, infiltrating the marketplace and only poking into politics? Or do we define it by acknowledging our power and focus on healing our men and the environment? True, we may have to give up some of the luxuries that men work so hard to provide. Then again, who tells us we need those luxuries if not male-dominated corporations? We have to ask ourselves what we would trade for fewer weapons and wars and a healthier world. Would fewer appliances and cars, for example, be too much to trade for the survival of the species?

There’s no time to wait for a woman president or for changing the world by leading it. Simply, our leverage is within personal relationship; a male relative, the guy next door, a date, and the venue can be the office, the kitchen table or the bedroom. Men will justify all their actions and rightfully so, by saying that everything they do is to protect and support their families. That’s the biological function of the male, but it cannot justify the depredations wrought in its name. Men have literally moved heaven and earth in their need to display and provide for women, while female input has been reduced to accepting these ‘gifts’ and demanding more and more. It’s time to say, “Thanks, honey, that’s enough now.”

For example, it is a fact that Congress has no ethics system other than self-policing to curb the corruption of the almost all-male membership. What if the wives of these men were held accountable by women for their husbands’ behavior? After all, they do have the power to guide their men. When men act in ways that endanger the existence of future generations, it is the biological bailiwick of women to put an end to such actions.

So stand tall and keep a steady eye on what YOU want. Sensual feminism is power. Take inspiration from the young who say yes to life and sensuality. Again, men need their reins gently pulled every now and then. It is OUR responsibility now for the survival of our species to take an active, aware responsibility for the survival of our partnerships, our children and the environment. Most men are culturally conditioned, so women must help men redefine progress. When you awaken them without blame, you will find that all they really want is your loving, nourishing attention and the promise of comfort, and they will do anything you want.

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Donna Sheehan is co-author with her life partner, Paul Reffell, of Redefining Seduction: Women Initiating Sex, Courtship, Partnership and Peace. Paul and Donna are also the organizers of BaringWitness.org and co-producers of the feature documentary film Baring Witness. Donna and Paul are available for speaking engagements and Redefining Seduction workshops (see RedefiningSeduction.com).

Contact:  info@redefiningseduction.com